Pedroia Wins Gold Glove, Instantly Confused

Dustin Pedroia was awarded his first career gold glove award yesterday, a move by league officials that instantly confused the Boston second baseman;

"I'd like to thank the league for bestowing this honor upon me, but I'd have to say, I'm a little perplexed...How am I going to play second base next season with this glove? It weighs like fifteen pounds! And I have a hard time getting it to fit on my hand. It's going to be tough to repeat next season with such a heavy glove."

Pedroia phoned cross town rival Mike Mussina for advice, winner of a Gold Glove in 2003 (as well as this season). Mussina had this advice to offer to the young infielder;

"I told Dusty that the reason I've gone five years between winning these awards is that I've been trying not to win it. He's right, that glove is heavy! You don't want to be trudging around an entire season with that thing connected to your left hand. I'm seriously considering retiring now, as opposed to going through another season with that eyesore following me around."